Women are taught not to explore our sexuality. We are taught marriage and children are a must for ours lives. Some of us are conditioned to think the mistreatment from a man has room in our lives. Women are taught if we show too much skin, we are causing unwanted attention. We cannot dress provocatively and must maintain the perfect image at any cost. We are taught to “behave” and mistakes are deadly. Women are taught not to go against the grain. We are constantly reminded of how difficult it is to wipe our slates clean.
This journey of re-defining who I am as a woman is so free. I do not want that to sound cliché, because I mean it wholeheartly. I am a lover of all people, a free spirit, quick to say what I feel, inquisitive, and an emotional thinker. I have always been comfortable in my body and in my skin. Some may think a woman should fully cover up. I wear what compliments me and adds to my class. The woman's body is the most beautiful piece of art. I own my femininity always and no woman should feel shamed to. Early on, I learned about the pressures placed on women to be modest.
The “Good Girl” Label
In school, I maintained a good reputation. I did not consider myself a "good girl", but when it came down to sex, the term fit. Girls are told having multiple sex partners will make you a hoe. We are told to keep our legs closed or else no one will take us seriously. Society has a gruesome stigma against women owning their sexuality. It took years for me to realize we can be who we choose. We do not have to bare kids or get married. We do not need a man to define what we love sexually. Sex should always be safe, but it does not have to be on the basis of love. It could be strictly for pleasure. No one gives you an award for having the least amount of sex partners. These are the things I never knew. I had to get rid of what I was conditioned to think.
I grew up seeing my parents married. My household dynamic looked very different compared to my friends. It was taboo for me to live with my daddy, because most of their father's were not in their homes. As kids, we know what our world looks like, so naturally we assume everyone else's is the same. When I got married, I thought I knew what a good marriage should look like. The only example I knew to lead by was the one my parents set, and I always thought theirs was perfect. Now that I am married, I know no one's is perfect. Every marriage has to fight the good fight.
Our Rules, Our Way
So, here I am a year into our marriage unlearning everything I thought I knew about husband and wife. Ziggy and I talked about how we want our relationship to look. That conversation confirmed I married my person. He is not big on the word traditional and I now see why. In the Christian community, many people are stuck on the old-fashioned traditional way of marriage. Many people interpret the bible and mold their relationship around it. That way is not for all and it is not for us. I cannot imagine the amount of spouses who are not their true selves out of fear of being "wrong". Knowing we set the tone for our home is a liberating feeling. Knowing I do not have to be the perfect wife is a relief on my heart.
Sis, Be Happy Unapologetically
Many women live with the tense feeling to be perfect all the time. I think it is expected. Sis, I want you to grow comfortably in your skin. You are beautiful and you have every right to release any and every persona you feel the need to portray. I talked to women who felt trapped for a long time for not being who they wanted out of fear. I am 25 years old, and I am happy with the woman I have decided to be. I am happy, because I made the decision to be her and no one else. Eliminate the idea of having to be who society says you should. Self respect should always come first and you should never have to compromise yourself in order to fit into this sexist category meant to restrict the woman