ANXIETY

Guest Blogger: Alexus Washington

 

 

Anx·i·e·ty

/aNGˈzīədē/

noun

1. A NERVOUS DISORDER CHARACTERIZED BY A STATE OF EXCESSIVE UNEASINESS AND APPREHENSION, TYPICALLY WITH COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR OR PANIC ATTACKS.

 

1,2,3,4..

Why are you counting the steps as you walk? Stop pacing! Just breathe.

*Inhales* *Exhales*

"You okay, hun"

"Yeahh, just tired."

Fake a yawn.

Why does your heart feel like it's beating out of your chest?

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP.

Can she hear that? Your hands are shaking... What are you nervous about? There's nothing to be afraid of! Relax. Breathe... BUT QUIETLY! Keep the screaming in your head.

*In...Out....*

"Something kept you up late?"

My thoughts.

They keep me up late.

It's taking over my life. It's creeping into all of my waking moments. It's tucked in between the huge breaths that I take. There goes the flutter in my chest followed by the familiar tightness in my stomach. Where did all of the air go? I CAN'T BREATHE!

Okay, okay.. just focus.. You're having a panic attack... Keep calm...

I can't... WHY CAN'T I FOCUS? My thoughts have company now and no space to move around. Why is there a hint of desperation in every second? My temple is pounding from fighting a battle in my head..that I'm losing.

I feel heavy, weighed down, as if there are anchors on my feet. Is that why it feels like I'm drowning? My life doesn't feel like it belongs to me anymore. It doesn't feel full. It feels overcrowded.  

"Anxiety!"

I'm begging now, close to tears..

I want my life back!"

"You can have it back when you admit defeat..."

"How can I!?..."

when you won't let me breathe...


Bio:

Aspiring freelance writer/blogger, Alexus Washington, dreams of becoming a best-selling author to change to the world through words. In her spare time, she also enjoys painting, crafting and cooking. She recently launched a creative writing blog to encourage unconventional thinking, growth and artistic expression. For more pieces like "Anxiety", check out EvokeEmbodyEvolve.wordpress.com.